Remorseless
A screenplay by Will Patching
Below, you can scroll through the opening scenes of the draft adaptation of my thriller novel, Remorseless.
I originally planned a two part made-for-TV version, a similar format to my favourite crime mini-series Prime Suspect, but a professional scriptwriter has suggested this would make a better movie. He loved this opening though, so in either case it is not likely to change - it's about five minutes of screen time.
We kick off inside a prison, switching between there and the interior of restaurant, and then Doc's car:
I originally planned a two part made-for-TV version, a similar format to my favourite crime mini-series Prime Suspect, but a professional scriptwriter has suggested this would make a better movie. He loved this opening though, so in either case it is not likely to change - it's about five minutes of screen time.
We kick off inside a prison, switching between there and the interior of restaurant, and then Doc's car:
In the On Writing section I mentioned that I often see a mind movie during the process of writing my novels - with the characters dictating to me the scenes they are in. If you can visualize the scenes above then you've just glimpsed what writing is like for me.
I have a very visual imagination and this is reflected in my writing style - so much so that many readers have told me that both Remorseless and The Hack mini-series would make great movies. Hence this draft.
Scriptwriting is a whole different ballpark to novel writing and it takes a bit of getting used to. The formatting is important though the brilliant free program I used, Celtx, created the pdf document embedded above, and this is just a fraction of what the software can do. Highly recommended.
The major difference is not the look of the words on the page but in the whole approach; in a novel you can dip into the characters' thoughts whereas on screen, the audience takes clues directly from the actions they see.
Voiceovers are rarely used to convey thoughts and are generally unpopular as they intrude into the viewers' suspension of disbelief, so the whole process of adaptation means rethinking much of the novel for the new medium. I used the excellent guide Write and Sell the Hot Screenplay, and Screenplay plus many other books on the art - and I'm still learning.
I chose to interweave these scenes to start the screenplay with minimal dialogue, thereby ratcheting up the pace; opening the story through vivid, fast moving, shocking images is designed to get the audience to sit up and take notice straight off.
Shock tactics
The opening is based on the Prologue interwoven with material that does not appear in the novel - the accident that killed Doc's wife, Natalie. This incident is the source of his raging guilt and subsequent psychotic breaks in the form of auditory and visual hallucinations. Being trapped in the car, unable to turn his head away from the sight of Natalie's distorted skull, was the horrific image that lived with me throughout the sequences describing Doc's nightmares.
Why doesn't Natalie's death appear in the book?
I decided it was unnecessary and would drag the pace down since the focus is on Leech and his burgeoning conflict with Doc over Judy. The subsequent scenes with Doc hallucinating are enough to let the reader know what happened and why he suffers such incredible remorse for Natalie's death.
A dialogue free sequence strikes me as the best way to start an action movie script. Interweaving Cochran's murder with Natalie's sudden death - with similarities reflected in their ruined features - immediately accentuates the contrast between Doc's normal response and Leech's psychopathic coldness.
These themes create a counterpoint and foreshadow for what is to come.
What do you think? Please contact me and let me know.
Will Patching, Author
I have a very visual imagination and this is reflected in my writing style - so much so that many readers have told me that both Remorseless and The Hack mini-series would make great movies. Hence this draft.
Scriptwriting is a whole different ballpark to novel writing and it takes a bit of getting used to. The formatting is important though the brilliant free program I used, Celtx, created the pdf document embedded above, and this is just a fraction of what the software can do. Highly recommended.
The major difference is not the look of the words on the page but in the whole approach; in a novel you can dip into the characters' thoughts whereas on screen, the audience takes clues directly from the actions they see.
Voiceovers are rarely used to convey thoughts and are generally unpopular as they intrude into the viewers' suspension of disbelief, so the whole process of adaptation means rethinking much of the novel for the new medium. I used the excellent guide Write and Sell the Hot Screenplay, and Screenplay plus many other books on the art - and I'm still learning.
I chose to interweave these scenes to start the screenplay with minimal dialogue, thereby ratcheting up the pace; opening the story through vivid, fast moving, shocking images is designed to get the audience to sit up and take notice straight off.
Shock tactics
The opening is based on the Prologue interwoven with material that does not appear in the novel - the accident that killed Doc's wife, Natalie. This incident is the source of his raging guilt and subsequent psychotic breaks in the form of auditory and visual hallucinations. Being trapped in the car, unable to turn his head away from the sight of Natalie's distorted skull, was the horrific image that lived with me throughout the sequences describing Doc's nightmares.
Why doesn't Natalie's death appear in the book?
I decided it was unnecessary and would drag the pace down since the focus is on Leech and his burgeoning conflict with Doc over Judy. The subsequent scenes with Doc hallucinating are enough to let the reader know what happened and why he suffers such incredible remorse for Natalie's death.
A dialogue free sequence strikes me as the best way to start an action movie script. Interweaving Cochran's murder with Natalie's sudden death - with similarities reflected in their ruined features - immediately accentuates the contrast between Doc's normal response and Leech's psychopathic coldness.
These themes create a counterpoint and foreshadow for what is to come.
What do you think? Please contact me and let me know.
Will Patching, Author